


Vegemite (the Black Death)

by OmniaVanitus



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Songfic, Vegemite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:32:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2016417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniaVanitus/pseuds/OmniaVanitus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic.  It is the Vegemite, my darling, or it's me.  WARNINGS: Slash and an inappropriate use of vegemite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vegemite (the Black Death)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Avengers or any of the characters thereof, but I do claim the creative liberties to this story. Lyrics are from the song “Vegemite (the Black Death)” from the album Amanda Palmer Goes Down Under by Amanda Palmer.

* * *

_You tell me that you love me when I'm lying by your side._   
_You tell me that I am the only one who understands your troubled mind._   
_That I am blind to any evil you can do,_   
_And that I love you more than any other girl could ever do._

The elevator doors made a soft whooshing sound as they opened, depositing one Tony Stark onto the penthouse floor of the Avengers Tower. The tower had been rebuilt nearly a year ago, but there were still parts of the city undergoing major construction.

The lights in the room were dimmed, but he could easily make out the tall dark god silhouetted in window by the haze from city lights below. He was not afraid though. They'd been lovers for the better part of six months, ever since Thor had returned with the mischief-maker in tow and in the months that followed, the team had slowly but surely befriended the fallen god. Even Barton had struck up a cautious truce with him and it hadn't been long before Loki and Tony were falling into bed together.

And now, six months later, their relationship or whatever it was they had between them was still going strong. Tony wasn't sure if he could bring himself to use the "L" word just yet, but he definitely cared for the mad god and visa versa he was sure, and they had both done wonders for each other. Tony's eccentric humor and blind acceptance reaching Loki in away Thor's overbearing protectiveness couldn't and Loki's own sarcasm and intelligence somehow easing Tony's self-destructive tendencies better then Pepper had ever managed. And both had learned how navigate the other's moods.

Even now, Tony could spot the solemn mood his lover was in and knew a surefire way to perk him right up.

Tony stepped up behind his lover, wrapping his arms around the lean chest and buried his face in between the god's shoulder blades. Loki gave a soft, almost inaudible sigh as he leaned into the welcome embrace, his eyes still trained on the city lights below.

Tony reached up, balancing on tiptoes so he could mouth and kiss along the side of Loki's neck and splayed his hands on the god's front letting them roam freely over his lover's body as an audacious hand tweaked a sensitive nipple through the thin grey shirt Loki wore.

Loki turned in his arms, bring up his own hands to cup the sides of Tony's face and deepened their kiss, humming contentedly at the taste of fine whiskey that always seemed to coat his lover's tongue.

Tony walked backwards, pulling the god along as Loki's head dipped down to tongue and lick at the engineer's throat. Tony wasn't sure how they were able to navigate through the penthouse to their bedroom, but they did, collapsing in mass of tangled limbs as they bucked and writhed against each other.

Their clothes hit the floor in careless heap as they shimmied under the covers, still eagerly devouring the other in a series of heated kisses that were more bite than tongue. They both vied for top before Loki won out, pinning Tony beneath him in an expert move that would have made any wrestler proud. Loki's rough ministrations turned gentle then as he wedged himself between Tony's legs, grinding their leaking arousals together as his mouth nibbled along Tony's collarbone.

Tony lay motionless, too consumed by the haze of lust and arousal to do more than cling to the god above him as Loki fisted their aching cocks together. His breath, already shaky, stuttered even more as he finally remembered how to work his hips and bucked up into Loki's strong grip as his own hands reached up to fist in inky black hair. He was blearily aware of fingers prodding at his entrance and he could only mewl as they breached him smoothly and stroked in deep. He was prepared quickly and soon Loki was sliding into place within him.

"Breath Tony," Loki encouraged, giving a cautious roll of his hips and earning a throaty whine from the man beneath him.

Tony let out slight laugh. "You ask so much you know that?" He threw his head back as Loki set a slow but deep rhythm, angling himself just right to stroke over Tony's prostrate and making him cry out with each thrust.

Loki's hand returned to Tony's neglected and leaking cock, stroking in time with his own thrusts and twisting his hand over the purpling head. The engineer came first with a pained yowl, painting his chest in white as Loki whimpered above him and snapped his hips harshly, quickening his pace. The god froze as his own orgasm overtook him and collapsed moments later in a boneless heap atop his lover's chest.

_You love the things that I love: you love art and you love books,_   
_And you love love as much as I do and you love my dirty looks,_   
_And you love me right now._   
_So how can you love... Vegemite?_

The morning found Stark sprawled out on the bed face down, his arm dangling over the edge while the other was curled up awkwardly over the back of his head. He woke slowly to the sound of his AI's voice chiming in with the date, time and weather forecast and to the smell of bacon and coffee that filtered in through the open door of his bedroom. It took him a few moments, but he finally woke enough to uncurl his arm, letting it fall to the empty space beside him where his god should be.

He rolled over and hummed in satisfaction at the lingering burn of stretched muscles and a thoroughly used body. Tony rubbed the sleep from his eyes as they adjusted to the bright morning light, his whiskey brown eyes flitting over the numerous books that seemed to cover every available surface in the room.

Tony had tried giving Loki a Starkpad a while back, showing him the wide selection of books he had already put on it for him and how the god could add more if he wanted, but in the end Loki would always gravitate towards the hardcopy versions. Now his penthouse was on the verge of bursting with the written word of some of Earth's best authors and had, not for the first time, wondered if he should build a library for his lover. Loki would no doubt fawn over having his very own library and some of the other Avengers would appreciate the addition as well, Bruce and Steve for sure. An entire floor oughta do it.

With one final luxurious catlike stretch, Stark rolled out of bed. After relieving himself and dressing in a pair of overly expensive designer jeans and a worn thrift store tee, Tony padded out barefoot into the kitchen where Loki was sliding a heaping plateful of bacon and eggs onto the table for him. They shared a kiss in passing before Loki took his usual seat and Tony moved to fill his coffee mug with the fresh brew, sneaking in a shot of Bailey's before he sat down as well and tucked into his food.

Tony practically inhaled his breakfast pausing only briefly to gulp down mouthfuls of his steaming Irish coffee. Loki sat across from him, quietly reading the morning paper as he prepared a pile of toast with butter and an obscene amount of salty brown goo called vegemite.

"How can you eat that," Tony asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste as Loki bit onto his chosen breakfast.

_It tastes like sadness,_   
_It tastes like batteries,_   
_It tastes like asses._   
_I cannot hold a man so close who spreads this cancer on his toast,_   
_It is the Vegemite, my darling, or it's me._   
_You have to make a fucking choice!_   
_I cannot sit with you at breakfast._   
_The very smell of it obliterates my senses._   
_And if that weren't bad enough you also eat the shit for lunch,_   
_Which means we can't spend any time together,_   
_What kind of relationship is that?_   
_The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands..._   
_Please wash your hands._   
_You just ate Vegemite for lunch you selfish bastard._

Loki looked up from his paper, eyebrow cocked and mouth full of his vegemite sandwich. He chewed slowly, realization dawning in his eyes, and swallowed. This wasn't the first time they've had this conversation.

In the initial months following Loki's return, the team had thought of various ways to simultaneously befriend the fallen god and showcase some of Earth's and humanity's best features and aspects. The aurora borealis was a particular favorite and Loki was quite fond of the antique set of samurai swords Natasha had given him, most likely because she had mentioned having to break a few international laws to smuggle them into America. The Hubble telescope, hard apple cider...

And then of course vegemite. No one in the group had a taste for the disgusting paste, not even Thor, but then again that might have only encouraged the mad god.

"Don't be jealous, Anthony," Loki admonished. "If you wanted a bite you only had to ask." The god held out the piece of toast for his lover and Tony sat back in his chair, his nose twitching irritably at the smell of vegemite. "It's very good for you, Anthony. High in Vitamin B."

"I make it a point never to do anything that's good for me," Tony replied, shying away from the proffered toast. "Just ask Pepper."

Loki hummed in answer. "I would have thought you of all people would appreciate vegemite. It is a byproduct of beer is it not?"

"Ya, but it doesn't contain alcohol so I'm not interested."

"Hotdogs are made from animal byproducts yet contain no meat. Funny how you seem to fancy them."

"Hotdogs are an American staple. Vegemite isn't," Tony said.

There was silence as they stared at each other.

"Eat it Tony."

"That's not gonna happen."

"Oh, Anthony. So confident, so naïve."

_It's all about you, isn't it?_   
_It's just take, take, take, take!_   
_What about me? What about my feelings?_   
_I'm sorry._

Tony gave a soft chuckle. "You know, for a god who won't even try fast food or anything else delicious and overly processed it's rather amusing that you would settle for that brown goop."

"And you wonder why your country is getting fat," Loki said. "My darling, my love...eat the toast."

"It's all about you isn't it," Tony muttered suddenly.

Loki arched a fine eyebrow again. "I believe this is about vegemite."

"And did you ever think about me?"

"I cooked you breakfast," Loki deadpanned.

"Oh don't think I don't know what you're doing," Tony said.

Loki paused for a moment and shook his head. "Not this again."

"Yes, this again. Christopher Gill..."

_I had this really awful experience when I was six years old,_   
_And our British next door neighbor, Christopher Gill, he was babysitting us,_   
_And he made me eat an entire spoonful of Marmite,_   
_Which is just like Vegemite pretty much except it's even grosser._   
_He made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge,_   
_And so I swallowed the whole thing and then I had to go to the bathroom and throw up._   
_And it really traumatized me and I'm sorry I got so emotional, I just..._

"...it haunts me," Tony said with all the seriousness he could possibly muster.

"No need to be such a dramatic little diva, Anthony."

"Pot meet kettle."

"Let's not be childish about this..."

Tony shook his head and raised his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry Loki, but it's me or the vegemite."

_I love you, and no matter what you eat,_   
_I'll always love you completely._   
_I might just always leave the room at meal times,_   
_Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week,_   
_If you insist on putting that foul death paste in your mouth._   
_You're in my heart, but put yourself inside my shoes,_   
_I have to know, it shouldn't be too hard to choose._   
_I know it's tearing you apart, but it's the way it has to be,_   
_It is the Vegemite, my darling,_   
_It is the Vegemite, my darling,_   
_Put down the Vegemite, you fucker, or I'll leave._

"What," Loki said incredulously, his green eyes narrowing dangerously.

"You heard me. It's me or the vegemite."

Loki's eyes softened as he slowly reached a hand across the table, lacing his fingers with Tony's affectionately. "You really have to ask?" Loki yanked suddenly, earning a surprised squeak from the engineer as he was pulled atop the table unceremoniously. "I choose both."

"That wasn't an option," Tony gritted out, trying to bat the god away only to have his hands caught and pinned above his head.

Loki drew a finger down the side of his lover's face. "So naive." The god hooked his finger onto the collar of Tony's shirt and flicked his wrist in a silent gesture that left him bare and the garment miraculously intact. Magic.

Half naked and held down on the kitchen table by a strong, slender hand, Stark sputtered out only to be quickly silenced with a harsh warning nip to his throat.

"I don't think you fully appreciate the virtues of vegemite," the god said as he dipped his fingers into the jar of brown paste and smeared it on his lover's chest, earning another disgusted sneer and some unimaginative curses which Loki silenced once again, this time swiping his tongue over a well defined pectoral. His greedy mouth continued on, tonguing at a vegemite covered nipple even as his hand dipped into the jar again to spread more of its contents onto Tony's stomach.

Tony managed to free one of his own hands, intent on pushing Loki away, but then the god fastened his mouth onto his other nipple and he suddenly found his hand tangled in the god's hair. He wasn't even aware of Loki undoing the fly of his overpriced designer jeans until his cock sprang free and a strong hand was wrapping around him, slathering even more of vegemite paste along the shaft.

His other hand was freed as Loki let go and dropped down to his knees, crying out as his cock was devoured and his spine and brain were sucked out. Tony came embarrassingly fast with a sharp hiss, only vaguely aware of Loki climbing to his feet and leaning over him, his devious little tongue darting out to catch a stray drop of his come.

Loki lent down over his prone body, smirking at the slight tremor in his limbs before dipping his head down and sealing their lips together, snaking his tongue inside and sharing the combined taste of vegemite and come. Loki pulled away, his smirk stretching across his face even further as Tony licked his lips.

"So," the god began, "have we found a new appreciation for my vegemite?"

Tony blinked slowly and nodded, trying and failing to gather his few remaining brain cells.

"Good," Loki said, brushing a stray hair out of the engineer's face, "because we're out." Loki straightened then, placing the now empty container on Tony's stomach. "And the sooner you resupply our stock, the sooner we can continue." He reached down taking Tony's soft penis in hand and stroked, making him mewl out in protest.

But despite having just came, Tony still hardened in the god's hand before he was released and the god left him, practically prancing out of the kitchen.

"Jarvis..."

_"Ordering another case, sir."_


End file.
